Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time B
drove down a long country road
in
complete silence;
they’d
been in a heated argument,
and
neither one of them was willing to budge.
As
they passed a barnyard
full of mules, goats, and pigs,
the
husband asked sarcastically,
“Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,”
the wife replied. “In-laws.”
When
I have the opportunity to counsel couples
who
are either prepping for their wedding day
or
experiencing a rough patch in their marriage,
I always urge them to avoid.
A
breakdown of genuine communication
is
often one of the chief problems
underlying marital spats,
so
how can cutting it off fix anything?
Sure—there
are times when things get so tense
that
it’s only prudent
to step quietly aside for a short spell…
…but
just for a short spell.
If
the “silent treatment”
is bad policy within a marriage,
is bad policy within a marriage,
then
we shouldn’t be surprised that it’s also a bad policy
when
applied to the Sacrament of Marriage in general.
The
Catholic Church has a rather vast body of teaching
on
sex and marriage.
Oh, I’ve heard about that,
Father, you
might be thinking.
You hear about that stuff
all the time.
It’s a long, long list of
things you shouldn’t do.
There’s no silent treatment!
Lots and lots of people
express their opinions
about the Church’s teaching
on sex and marriage.
But
if that’s all you’ve heard…then you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
of the 1960’s and ’70’s,
many
things once taken for granted
were suddenly called into question.
Nonetheless,
the Church continued—
as she had for 2,000 years—
to
stand by her understanding
of the sacred nature of matrimony,
holding
up—
as Jesus did when tested by the Pharisees—
a
high ideal before the world:
the
way God had envisioned marriage
from
the first days of creation,
where man and wife
where man and wife
are inseparably joined as suitable partners,
not
just because their personalities are compatible,
not
just because it feels good when they cuddle,
but
because, by God’s design,
they
compliment and complete each other—
are
meant to be “rejoined at the rib,” you might say.
At
least, that’s what happened on an official level.
But
what’s happened here on the ground level?
In Catholic
parishes and homes, at high schools and colleges—
if
we’ve heard anything said at all—
we’ve
been told by priests and parents and professors
(mostly
off the record and in quiet whispers),
You’ve got a pretty good
idea
of what the Church has to
say about sex and marriage…
…but you’ve really just got
to follow your heart.
So be careful, be safe, and
do your best to see no one gets hurt.
The
result of this long “silent treatment”?
Lots
and lots of people have gotten hurt.
The
number of Catholics getting married continues to decline—
and
the majority of those have lived together beforehand,
which
study after study has shown to put marriages at greater risk.
Divorce
has become culturally acceptable and rather common—
although
the divorce rate is now dropping…
…but
only because fewer couples
bother
with a wedding in the first place.
This
steady weakening of marriage
endangers
our children, even before they’re born,
as
we’re sadly reminded during this Respect Life Month.
Life
and love, after all, are intimately tied together.
As
we learn from Jesus’ own example,
it’s
only when the sanctity of marriage is upheld
that
children will be unconditionally loved and embraced.
So…what
to do?
A
good first step is to follow the lead of the Pharisees
and
ask, What is lawful?
We
need to educate ourselves
on
what the Church really has to say
about
human sexuality and the vocation of marriage.
We
can’t be satisfied with the characterizations made by those
who
have a very different agenda
There’s
never been a time in our history
when
more books—and very good books, at that—
were
being published on the subject…
…not
to mention websites, DVDs, and the like.
Check
some of these out—
and
I’d be happy to make recommendations—
and
you’ll quickly discover that the message
isn’t
a long list of heavy-handed don’ts,
but
is instead marvelously good news.
Catholic
teaching on sex and marriage is based
both
on a longstanding tradition,
and
a wealth of accumulated experience—
and
exists, not to place harsh burdens upon us,
but
to protect us from danger in body and soul.
If
God invented marriage,
then
who better to tell us how to best make it work?
Painful
but unavoidable in all of this is the realization
that
divorce is clearly contrary to God’s original plan…
…and
no one understands that better
than
those whose lives have been directly affected by it.
Once
you’ve made the effort and learned a thing or two,
the
next step is to spread it around.
It’s
high time to end the silent treatment!
Way
too many people have already been hurt!
There’s
a method to this, however,
which
can only help our cause—
and
it’s one we learn from Jesus himself.
Notice
how, out in the crowd,
Jesus
boldly proclaims God’s plan for marriage
as
good news, a positive vision, one which is attractive.
It’s
only when he’s gone inside the house
that
he then puts forth his instruction on divorce—
a
more challenging teaching, which even his disciples question.
We
do well to do likewise!
Getting
in somebody’s face and announcing
why
cohabitation or contraception, why adultery or abortion are sinful
rarely—if
ever—coverts someone to a new way of life.
But
sharing the beauty of God’s design
and
the joy which cooperating with it brings
is
a far, far better way to begin.
Then
later, away from the clamor of competing voices,
the
nitty-gritty implications of this healthy and holy perspective
can
be better heard and questioned—
ultimately,
understood and accepted.
Remember
that what makes this all a bit complicated
are
not so much the intricacies of Catholic doctrine and discipline,
but
the twisting pathways of the human heart.
Our
faith tells us that,
in
sexuality and marriage as in all other things,
we
are so much more than well-domesticated animals.
Our
relatives are not out in the barnyard!
By
nature, God
has made us in his own image and likeness—
with
inalienable rights, duties, and dignity.
And
by grace, we
have been adopted as “brothers” of God’s beloved Son—
children
of God whom he longs to bring to glory.
So
let’s end the silent treatment
and
share the good news!
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