Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time B
The Precepts of the Church
Part V
“Marriage is a wonderful institution,” quipped Grocho Marx.
“But
who wants to live in an institution?”
This
fifth Sunday in my series of homilies on the Precepts of the Church
brings
us to the final one:
6.
To obey the laws of the Church concerning
marriage
The
Code of Canon Law—the “rule book” of the Catholic Church—
contains
111 different laws concerning marriage—
more
than for any of the other sacraments.
(Don’t
worry: we will not be reviewing each
one of them today!)
They
cover to whom and how, when and where,
a
Catholic can be wed.
This
should come as no surprise,
since
even secular governments carefully regulate marriage.
The
Church’s many laws on the matter
are
not because she’s got a hang up about sex—
although
that charge is often brought against her;
it’s
because marriage is the God-given vocation
of
the vast majority of Catholics,
and
it has such a very, very crucial place in God’s plan.
There
may be a lot of specific rules,
but
most of them boil down to some principles
which
are really rather simple.
Back
in grade school,
when
we thought one of the boys
was
getting a bit too close to one of the girls,
we
had a little rhyme we’d chant that included the verse,
“First
comes love, second comes marriage,
then
comes a baby in the baby carriage…”
It
wasn’t lofty poetry, but it showed that, even at a young age,
we
understood that romantic love, marriage,
sex
(although we’d have never said the word), and babies
were
all rather intimately connected—
in
fact, should even come around in a particular order.
Nowadays,
these once linked realities
have
grown rather independent of each other:
we
have love without marriage,
marriage without babies, babies without sex,
marriage without babies, babies without sex,
and
sex without marriage, or babies,
or sometimes
even without love.
And
folks say the Church
is
making all this stuff too complicated?
Human
sexual love has two natural ends:
the
union of the partners and the procreation of children.
These
are easily seen from the first days of creation,
when
God says both, “It’s not good for man to be alone,”
and,
“Be fertile and multiply” (Gen
2:18, 1:28).
Together
they also point to sex’s logical, natural setting
within
the context of marriage:
a
union that is faithful and enduring,
providing
the best possible environment for the rearing of children.
So
if you want to determine if something is OK
with
God and with the Church in this arena,
simply
test it by these two essential criteria;
if
either one is missing, then you’re out of bounds.
Sex
outside of marriage?
You
might get pregnant,
but
there’s no lasting commitment to staying together.
Contraception?
The
couple may be committed, but they’re not open to life.
Pornography? Masturbation?
Let’s
just say they fail on both accounts.
(Allow
me to note that this does not mean
that
every act of intercourse—to be licit—must intend pregnancy.
But
it must remain open to the possibility.
Let’s
not forget that Abraham was 100- years-old and Sarah 90
when
Isaac was conceived! We believe in
miracles!)
What
I’ve spoken of so far is purely in the order of nature.
By
God’s original design,
there’s
a physical and emotional complimentarily
between
men and women
that’s
built right into fabric of our being.
But
for the Church, it doesn’t stop there.
Jesus
raised the natural institution of marriage
to an
entirely new level—
just
as he elevated eating and drinking when he gave us the Eucharist.
Among
the baptized, marriage is more than a lawful union
for
the reproduction of the human race.
Christ
endows it with a new beauty, and a new power.
Matrimony
becomes a source of holiness
for
the couple and their children, for the Church and the world.
It
becomes a sacrament.
The
love of husband and wife is to be a living image
of the
love of Christ and his bride, the Church.
For
Christian marriage to be authentic,
the
love of husband and wife
must
be free and full—without any force or reservation;
it
must be faithful—dissolved only by
death;
and
it must be fruitful—open to the gift
of children.
The
love of Christian spouses must be thus
because
God’s love for the human race,
as
revealed most clearly on the Cross,
is free and full—motivated only by love and holding nothing back;
God’s
love is faithful—enduring even when
we’re not;
and
Gods’ love is fruitful—a love which
once
breathed
life into the dust of the earth, forms life in the womb,
and
even draws life up from the grave.
This
is the “great mystery” of which St. Paul writes to the Ephesians.
How
often his words are misread!
We
usually get them completely backwards!
We
get all excited by Paul’s advice to women,
“Be
subordinate to your husbands”…
…but
those words wouldn’t have shocked the Ephesians one bit;
they merely repeated the common thinking of the age.
But
Paul’s advice to men, “Love your wives,”
was
actually quite revolutionary—
especially
when the measure of that love
is
the self-sacrificing love of Jesus!
Paul
tells men and women alike, “Be subject
to one another.”
Don’t
treat others (or even yourself) as an object
for gratification.
You
were made for much more than fleeting pleasure!
You
were made for Paradise!
Be
subordinate to each other—
giving
of yourself, surrendering yourself—
not
for the good of society,
and
not with a view to personal gain,
but
“out of reverence for Christ.”
Christ
is the one to whom we must all submit
if
we hope to form a household that will serve the Lord.
And
so, in Christ, human marriage
is to be a window onto God’s love.
is to be a window onto God’s love.
That’s
a mighty high calling!
Do we do this perfectly? No, not always.
Do we do this perfectly? No, not always.
But
with this sacrament comes the grace to live it.
There
are two particular related issues in the air these days.
Whether
the news is coming out of the U.S. Supreme Court
or the
Synod of Bishops in Rome,
there’s
plenty of talk about same-sex marriage
and
Communion for Catholics
who’ve
been divorced and civilly remarried.
“The
Church needs to be more like Jesus!”
I’ve
heard said on both accounts—
and it's hard to argue with that sentiment.
and it's hard to argue with that sentiment.
Yet,
what does Jesus have to say on these subjects?
He says that
God made them male and female from the beginning
so that
these two might become one flesh,
and
that remarriage after divorce is
equivalent to adultery (Mt 19:1-12).
These
are Jesus’ own pronouncements, not merely human rules.
Which
means it’s not up to us to alter these things.
It’s
true: Jesus broke through lots of barriers
and
embraced many who lived outside the bounds of the law.
But
we need to be sure we read through to the end of the story,
when—out
of love for them—Jesus also called them to change:
“Go,” he'd say, “and sin no more.” (Jn 8:11)
Catholics
who have been divorced and civilly remarried
often
say they feel “punished”
because their irregular situation
because their irregular situation
(like
anyone married outside the Church
or
living together without marriage)
cuts
them off from the sacraments.
Pope
Francis has made it clear:
these
men and women must not be shunned,
and
any appearance of that sort ought to be avoided.
You
continue to belong to the Church!
But
it’s important to remember
that
what keeps you away from Communion isn’t a punishment;
it’s
just the Church holding you to your word—
a
solemn, public commitment once made before God,
“till
death do us part.”
A
sacrament simply can’t be undone.
Yes,
the Church acknowledges that, sometimes,
there
wasn’t a true sacrament in the first place—
that
one of those essential elements was absent from the start.
But
when dealing with something this crucial,
that’s
not a determination the Church can afford to make lightly.
Similarly,
Catholics who experience same-sex attraction
often
say they feel like the Church wants to force them
to deny
their true self and live without love.
Some
protesters recently said it’s “unrealistic and cruel”
for
the Church to expect her LGBT members to remain chaste.
Actually,
the Church expects chastity of all of us—
which
means one thing for those of us who are married,
and
another for those of us who are not.
Chaste
celibacy is not only possible;
it
can actually be quite fulfilling.
I know firsthand!
I know firsthand!
No,
it’s not easy…but, from what I hear, neither is marriage.
This
isn’t about denying anyone’s true identity.
When
did sexual attraction become the measure of who we are?
Our
truest identity as Catholics, after all,
is that
we’ve been adopted as sons and daughters of God.
I’m
always deeply moved
to see those who struggle in these areas
to see those who struggle in these areas
still
sitting here in the pews—
in
particular, those who cannot receive Holy Communion
and
yet remain faithful to Sunday Mass.
That
takes a whole lot more courage, a whole lot more faith,
than
have those many Catholics who—unthinking—
just
go through the motions.
I
have no doubt that God responds to that grit
with
an outpouring of his grace.
But
grace isn’t magic; it requires our active response.
What
ought to be done, what can be done,
differs
in each unique circumstance.
I
urge all of you who are in such situations
to
come to the Church to discuss your options.
Christ
loves you! The Church loves you!
Let’s
see what we can do.
For four Sundays,
Jesus has been teaching—by word and deed—his doctrine of the Eucharist:
that his flesh and blood are food and rink for our souls;
that he himself is the true Bread from heaven.
This Sunday, like Joshua and the Israelites at Shechem,
Jesus has been teaching—by word and deed—his doctrine of the Eucharist:
that his flesh and blood are food and rink for our souls;
that he himself is the true Bread from heaven.
This Sunday, like Joshua and the Israelites at Shechem,
we
find the disciples who’ve been listening to Jesus
at
a clear moment of decision.
Some
walked away, returning to their former lives.
How
that must have broken Jesus’ Sacred Heart!
The
Church’s teachings on marriage are hard, too.
Some—many—will
not be able to accept them.
But
Jesus won’t change direction,
he
won’t re-phrase his words to make them easier to swallow.
There’s
too much at stake!
The
point of true religion—the pathway to salvation—
is
not that God yield his will to ours,
but
that we yield our will to God’s.
“It
is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail.”
Yes,
Jesus’ words are pretty demanding.
They
promise eternal life…but they also ask quite a lot,
challenging
us to let go of things we’ve thought and believed,
to
fight against drives and desires
we’ve
been told are perfectly “normal.”
Yet
when we get close to Jesus,
we start
to see everything—including ourselves—rather differently.
This new way of seeing, this new way of living,
might
sometimes makes us a bit uneasy.
But where
else could we turn
once we’ve truly come to believe
that Jesus is indeed the Holy One of God?
once we’ve truly come to believe
that Jesus is indeed the Holy One of God?
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