My NPT partner, Lawrence, put me onto this interesting article/study. Go figure that in the midst of a 120 mile hike we'd be talking about what makes some people more resilient than others...
It
comes as no surprise to hear someone say that the family—the very building
block of society—is in crisis. So
it should also come as no surprise to hear that many studies have been done on
this troubling situation. Most of
these studies focus on what it is that’s tearing modern families apart. But a number of years ago, a few
psychologists decided that it would be much more helpful to study strong,
successful families to see what was keeping them together.
Their
research began by studying the children.
They gave the kids a “do you know?” test, and the focus was on their
family stories. The children were
asked questions like: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know how your parents met? Do you know about a serious illness or
other family tragedy? Do you know
the story of your birth?
The
result? They found that the more
kids know about their family history, the higher their self-esteem and the
stronger their sense of control over their lives. Children are happier and far healthier emotionally when they
know their family story.
As
the researchers took their study deeper, they realized that there are
essentially three different family stories. The first is the upward climb: “When we came to this
country, we had nothing. But we
worked hard, and your grandfather opened this store. Your father graduated from high school. Now you’re headed off to college…” The second is the downward spiral:
“Once upon a time, we had it all!
Then there was the fire, and we lost everything…” But the happiest, healthiest kids
heard a third story—one marked by both ups and downs: “Our family has come a
long way. Your grandfather built a
strong business and was a pillar of the community. And your mother served on the hospital board. But we’ve also had our
setbacks. Your uncle went to
jail. And your father lost his
job. But no matter what has
happened, we’ve always stuck together as a family.” (cf. B. Feiler, NY Times, 3/15/13)
I
think we’d find pretty much the same thing if we did a study of the children of
God.
How
would you do on a “do you know?” test when it comes to our saintly
ancestors? What so you know about
the saints after whom our churches were named? What do you know about the saint after whom you were
named? Believe it or not, the
lives of the saints and the history of the Church make for some very
fascinating reading!
But
it makes a difference how we hear this family story. There are some who speak of the saints in a constant upward
climb; they make them so otherworldly that we could never hope to follow their
example. Then there are others who
get caught in a downward spiral; they can see nothing but corruption in the
Church’s past and crisis in her present.
But the Catholic family story that is most healthy and helpful—and which
just also happens to be most accurate—is one marked by both ups and downs. (Doesn’t that sound like the
Beatitudes, where Jesus can declare the poor and the mourning, the thirsty and
the persecuted, to be “blessed”?) We
must never forget: every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
If
you want to have a stronger family, if you want your children to be able to bounce
back better in the face of adversity, then keep retelling the family
story—including both the good times and the bad. What is needed in our homes is just as much needed in our
Church. Learn the Church’s
history! Get to know the saints! Do so and, as God’s children, we’ll
build a much happier, healthier, and holier family.
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